Authenticity Within

          I'm not waiting for the end, I'm preparing for the beginning.  Even as the moments devour the hours and anility begins to peek out from underneath our clothes, even when the time comes that we [humans] cease to exist as homeosapiens on this planet, even then [it] will not be finished.  Experiences happen in my life that often force me to remember being raised in a somewhat strict Roman Catholic household; as I recall I was so very terrified of "God" that I would pray to him nightly and sometimes even cry myself to sleep with visions of some foreboding darkness painted upon the backs of my weary eyelids.  As I sit here and recover these feelings from the anamnesis that has come to shape my being, I cannot help but relish in my sovereignty from the oh so familiar force that continues to elude so many of my peers from "enlightenment".  I choose not to believe that my friends and family are wrong in their mindset, if I were to deny the credence of the Christian belief system or any other belief system for that matter I would only be welcoming their certain resistance to my usually brazen denial of modern Western spirituality.  I am in no mood to debate, and I neither have the want or need to change the mind of anyone to agree with mine.  I have been studying mans existence within oneself for nearly 6 years now.  It is remarkable the paths that this decision of mine has taken me.  Over these years I have allowed myself to be inundated with the credo(s) of some seen, some unseen masses.  Still, there is something not complete.  Why am I obsessed with finding someone or something that thinks these thoughts like me?  This is me searching for the words to tell myself that I'm not crazy.  That I shouldn't run to the closest church and beg for mercy.  "Because crazy people don't know their crazy, Jorjia."  Right?